I met a guy years ago who was a “born leader.” I can’t describe to you all the traits he portrayed, which verified this for me; I can only say it was obvious. This young man didn’t appear to have to work at being a leader; it just seemed natural. One of the obvious ways this ability routinely showed itself was his ability to make sure everyone was included in whatever we were doing. It was amazing to watch this 11-year-old do this week after week without any apparent effort. This brings me to my title: Defined by a prefix.
So, I ask: Are you someone who tries to be inclusive, or is your tendency to be exclusive? Do you seek to bring new people into your circle or are you someone ‘circling the wagons.’ The difference in the spelling of these two words, inclusive and exclusive, is only two little letters. But the difference those two little letters make in defining who you are is huge!
This problem does not depend on age, social status, or intellectual ability. In fact, people across cultures continue to practice exclusivity. We naturally focus inward, which drives this tendency. So, if our natural inclination leads us to focus on ourselves, why does this 11-year-old always reach out? Although this behavior seems quite natural, we must admit that his parents most likely taught and nurtured at least some of this character trait. They must have instilled more than an ideal about how to interact. If you’ve ever tried to control, demand, or guide another’s actions or attitudes, you know this is true. As I reflect, I realize this young man’s ability to include others came from his confidence in himself. He was comfortable, satisfied, and content. This gave him the freedom to bring others in—he had no need to protect or build himself up. He could just be himself. There’s a lesson for all of us.
Content with himself, this young man turned outward. It let him find chances to bring others into the group. He made it look easy. For the rest of us, it seems harder. We must work at it. We must force our gaze from ourselves. We must look to bring others in. The funny thing is, while we work hard to do this, those around us may think we’re acting natural. Of course, we will secretly know we’re not.
God created us to be inclusive. So, the next time you join a group, look around. You might spot many people who long to belong. If an 11-year-old easily includes others, we have no excuse for excluding anyone. Let’s challenge ourselves to reach out and welcome someone new, knowing we were made to embrace each other.